Overcoming Fear

Over the last few years, several of my friends have thought of me as ‘strong’. This word always comes up over meals, wine in restaurants and in bars. These meetings, either to catch up, check in, or just normal social calls, have more often than not involved them asking how I was doing, and me, trying to stay as positive about life as possible, trying to smile as much as I would love those tears to roll down. Inevitably, the word ‘strong’ crops up. But I don’t believe it. It really doesn’t sound like me.
Why strong, exactly? Because I lost my dad at a relatively young age? Because I weathered an incredibly hard period of time in the University when my legitimacy as a student was under serious scrutiny? Because during that same time I had to go through another excruciatingly painful experience of losing an. immediate elder sister? Because through it all, I’ve kept going?
But really, what choice did I have? Life is a complete mystery, full of surprises and unfolding events over which I have no control, over which none of us has control. I suppose the realization of just how little the control I have should make me feel a certain amount of freedom, right? After all, since I can do nothing about it, what’s the point of worrying about the outcome, or feeling afraid? Somehow, I’ve discovered that the certainty that nothing is certain has amped up my inner strength, and I’m like a little kid all over again.
A little kid who is afraid of nothing. Call it blissful ignorance about the fragility of human life, or lack of awareness of mortality. Call it the magic of childhood wonder. Call it all those things. But whatever you call it, it is the best thing that can happen to you.
I used to be hyper aware about everything and it pissed me off at a point. That was about the time i realized how irrational and pointless it is to be afraid.
There is a famous Jack Canfield’s quote that I particularly read to myself for months. It says ‘Everything you want is on the other side of fear’.
I am not strong. I am fragile. I am easily disoriented and highly emotional. In fact I am scared to the bone marrow most times. But I am also angry and so I embarked on the journey to cross to the other side. Now I’m living life with no fear of what tomorrow holds. I’m staying ahead. No worries. No regrets. I hope you find the way too… Peace out

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The Eroticism of Placelessness

A very reflective piece to everyone feeling cut off from reality. I stumbled on this and I promise you won’t be disappointed reading it as well.

Typical Girl Problem!

Girl : So…
Guy: So…
Girl : I need  us to have this
conversation
Guy : What conversation?
Girl: We’ve been together for four years
Guy : Yea?
Girl: And I need to know where this is heading to
Guy: Oh boy!
Girl: Listen baby, it is only fair to define this. Four years of my life is a lot to ask for
Guy : What do you mean?
Girl: I’d feel like I just wasted four years of my life if this is not heading anywhere
Guy: Babe, it’s a relationship… not a pilgrimage .
Girl : You don’t get it, do you?
Guy: Make me get it
Girl : It is time to define US. Where are we heading to?
Guy: We…we are in a relationship. It’s a destination. Isn’t that enough?
Girl: So where is the next bus-stop?
Guy: Every day we stop and pick up new ways of loving each other…that’s how it
works.
Girl: So when do we get to the bus-stop where you propose to me? Or aren’t we going to get engaged?
Guy: …
Girl: Baby, say something!
Guy: I earn N120k… I am not ready for marriage.
Girl: I didn’t say marriage, I said engagement.
Guy: What’s the difference? One is supposed to lead to the other, right?
Girl: Baby, I have to wear an
engagement ring just for the
satisfaction of knowing that this is leading somewhere
Guy: For how long? Another four years? So you can finally brand me a monster for tying
you down for eight years?
Girl: Do you plan to tie me down for that long?
Guy: I don’t know, babe. I just know that I’ve seen too many fucked up situations and I
am in no hurry to get engaged or married or any of that.
Girl: So are we fucked up?
Guy: No…but…look at Tayo and his wife… they quarrel like drunk cats! Guy earns
barely above what I earn and he already has two kids. The minute you get married the
kids start popping out like popcorn. It’s shitty. It doesn’t interest me at all.
Girl: Wait, let me understand what you are saying… Are you saying marriage is shitty, and you have no interest in having kids?
Guy: No, not right now. I’m not interested. I can’t afford that lifestyle on my salary.
Girl: Then dream bigger, aim
higher…’cos I’m tired of waiting!
Guy: Then don’t wait. You don’t have shackles on your feet.
Girl: WHAT?!
Guy: Babe, see…I love you, but I’m not going to promise what I can’t afford to give. If you can understand that then we can continue loving each other, if not then it’s fine. I
understand.
Girl : I can’t believe you!
Guy: Wh…what do you want me to do?
Girl : The right thing!
Guy: But this is the right thing. I’m not going to lie to you nah!
Girl: So four years just go by like that and I’m supposed to just walk away?
Guy: Don’t walk. Stay with me.
Girl: Until when?
Guy: Until…what do you mean, “until when?” Isn’t this a relationship?
Girl: That is heading nowhere!
Guy: Ok…ok! So it seems we have very different views about this, ‘cos if you ask me
I’ll tell you that this is fulfilling in itself, and it is enough for me- just having you in my life
and sharing it together.
Girl: I will never forgive you if you don’t do the right thing. And God will judge you.
Guy: Oh boy! What are you on about?
Girl: If you think you can just use me and dump me…
Guy: Use you?! How? We are dating! How is that “using” in anyway?
Girl: And I’m supposed to just stay in a relationship that has no plans to evolve?
Guy: I thought we were evolving just fine.
Loving, sharing, learning…
Girl: This is bullshit! And karma will get you for this!
Guy: Babe, I didn’t fuck you without your permission. Everything we did, we did
because we wanted to. And if we break up now, it will be because we stopped wanting
the same things. Our needs changed. Mine is
still straight, but you want other things I can’t give; so how does that make me a bad guy?
Girl: Is this a plan to marry someone else? Piss me off and then go get a new chick, abi?
Guy: You are not listening… you never listen. I am presenting to you a simple case: I do not have the money to buy you an
engagement ring…I don’t have money to
pay bloggers to cover our “surprise engagement” that we’d have at The Galleria,
with your palm over  your mouth feigning surprise and acting like you didn’t tie my
balls to do it. I do not have money to entertain your friends and family…and I, sure
as hell, do not have the money to plan a
wedding, or move you into my small apartment. And I will not have kids popping
out from every hole in your body just so I can tick all of society’s boxes. I don’t have
the money…and guess what, I don’t have any interest in doing all of that.
Girl : So why did you date me?
Guy: Gosh! Are you serious?!
Girl : Answer me, damn it!
Guy: I dated you because we liked each other! Heck, you showed as much interest
as I did… you attacked me like a tigress on our first night. I didn’t force you to cook, clean…you did it willingly just as much as I
did all I did freely. Why are you now making it seem like we had an agreement four years ago that I am reluctant to fulfil?
Girl: I am a woman, and you let my biological clock tick away like that!
Guy: Aaaaargh! What do you want from me?
Girl: Ok…what if I settle everything? I work too and I can buy the engagement ring for myself and pay
for a photographer to capture the moment. It will be on a yacht not at The Galleria…I’ll pay estheradeniyi.blogspot.com to put it up. All you need to do is slip it into my finger. For the wedding, I’ve been saving for four years. I have enough to cover my dress, the
cake, the hall, the food, MC and photographer… you can take care of your suit and the Deejay.
Guy: Wow! What can I say? Are you sure you are not on some high?
Girl: Excuse me?!
Guy : Babe, you know what? I think it is best we break up. I can’t deal with this right now.
Girl: Really?!
Guy: Yes, really.
Girl: You evil man! I stayed with you, nursed you when you were ill… bought you the best gifts four years in a row for your birthday…sucked
you, kissed you, loved you like you were the last man on earth…
Guy: I sucked you too; ate you well like you were the sweetest cake in the store; bought you nice gifts; travelled with you; heard you
cry, laugh… helped you get better at your job…supported you when you feared you had
a terminal disease. I did what a boyfriend should do. So what’s your point?
Girl: Shut up! You devil!
Guy: *sighs* Babe, I can’t give you what you want. I’m just not ready for it. I’m sorry.
Girl : I gave you the best years of my life.
Guy : And I gave you the best of what I could afford. Cut the pity party, abeg. You are the
one asking for more, you are the one who’s unfair. So why blame me? You are the one
ending the relationship; I’m just trying to be sincere.
Girl : God will shame you! I will get married before the end of this year.
Guy: Oho! So you’ve been cheating on me?
Girl: I never cheated, but God sees my heart and He will give me my heart desire and shame my enemies.
Guy: So you’ll be getting married to a stranger then?
Girl: Love happens in mysterious ways!
Guy: Good. Send me an invite!

If we must get it, the time is now.

I didn’t choose to be a Nigerian, but i am one regardless and I love being one. Infact I’m happy I grew up where I did (one local suburb in Ogun state, Ijebu – Igbo to be precise), with the culture I was brought up with and having never  experienced anything close to the not so natural disasters as the tsunamis, earthquakes etc,  I think it’s safe to say I’m Proudly Naija.

“At the time when our constitutional development
entered upon its final phase, the emphasis was largely upon self-government. We, the elected representatives of the people of Nigeria, concentrated on proving that we were fully capable of managing our own affairs both internally and as a nation. However, we were not to be allowed the selfish luxury of focusing our interest on our own homes. In these days of rapid communications we cannot live in isolation, apart from the rest of the world, even if we wished to do so. All too soon it has become evident that for us Independence implies a great deal more than self-government.
This great country, which has now emerged without bitterness or bloodshed, finds that she must at once be ready to deal with grave
international issues.”
These were the words of SIR ABUBAKAR TAFAWA BALEWA in his inaugural speech on the 1st of October, 1960.
This day, Nigeria in my own humble opinion still sits a nation with untapped, dusty glory. A nation that is devoid of selfless leaders as the ones that fought endlessly and tirelessly for this independence in the first place. And so today, I am provoked to ask God to arise volcanically and erupt in anger and wipe away every single person sitting on the glory of this nation. Today at 54, Nigeria is still an embodiment of bribery, injustice and selfish government. All, quite contrary to the dreams of our forefathers.
The time for change is now and this is a call to action of every good Nigerian citizen out there to rise up, wise up even as we begin another century as a nation in the coming elections in 2015, to truly uphold the honor and glory of this nation as stipulated in our national pledge. So help us God!
God bless Nigeria.