Anger is a healthy emotion in everybody’s life — when it’s expressed in an appropriate manner at the right time. Too often, many of us let anger get the better of us in arguments and emotional interactions with others.
Anger is one of the major problems of our time, especially unresolved anger. Trust me, few minutes before I took to my phone to write this, I was so angry at this bitchy boss lady of mine that I’m not proud of what I planned to do to her. But then I got over it after sharing my ordeal with a very close colleague of mine. She advised me, calmed me down and really used nice words. What I’m saying in essence is this, its fine to get angry, and though its difficult to control your ANGER, you and only you can control YOURSELF.
When you get to tell someone off, you might feel pretty good for a while, but somehow the sense of righteous indignation and hatred grows, and it hurts you. It’s as if you pick up hot coals with your bare hands and throw them at your enemy. If the coals happen to hit him, he will be hurt. But in the meantime, you are guaranteed to be burned. Many persons believe that in a conflictual situation, they can control others by using excessive anger and that this is a permanent solution to the conflict. This may apply in the short term if the other person becomes fearful as in the case of a child, and caves in to your demands but it is generally not true in the long term. Sooner or later the person who is being controlled will resist in one way or another and this would negatively impact the relationship between you and the other person.
My conclusion on this issue if you never want to have anger management issues again is
1. Breathe deep and take a time out.
2. Analyse the situation… Be curious instead of being furious. Ask yourself the whys?
3. Discuss your situation with someone you know has good stuff. I mean someone that has always given you pretty good advices and they worked out.
A pressure cooker is often used as a metaphor for anger, where anger builds up inside a person like steam inside a pressure cooker. Using this analogy, there are three ways to deal with the buildup of steam. One way is to keep the pressure inside the cooker until it explodes. A second way is reduce the pressure by periodically siphoning off some of the steam, as described using common terms such as “venting” and “blowing off steam.” The third (and best) way is to lower the flame and reduce the heat! Rather than stuff anger inside or expressing it outwardly, get rid of it. Stuffing anger harms the self. Expressing anger harms the self and others.
Thomas Jefferson once said, “When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, an hundred”.
We struggle on daily basis to find happiness because truth be told, we are in a world of peril that is filled with poverty, global warming, rising crime rates, war, sickness and news of death all over. A world where “if only” threaten to win the day. “My life would be so much more sweeter if only i were richer, more famous, slimmer, younger, older, had a better job, in a better place”…
But happiness is all around you and it doesnt care how much money you have got left and the circumstances surrounding your life. The key ingredient to any kind of happiness or success is to never give less than your best. True joy- not quickie mood boosts but that totally stoked mental state- boils down to these surprising essentials. Sit back, pick a pen as you behold your ticket to bliss…
1. You Need A Solid Core Group Of Friends.
“Friendship is one of life’s main joys”. Spending time with people who really know you affords you the freedom to be yourself, which increases contentment. You dont have to be the centre of this group, just find a set of people you feel safe with and who you share the same ideologies with and you can easily relate to even on personal terms. You’ll need these people forever and after.
2. Cultivate Positive Emotions.
Rather than focusing on depression, anger and anxiety, you could chanel your emotions toward something more gainful.
If we look at a whole range of positive emotions—from amusement to awe to interest to gratitude to inspiration—what they all have in common is that they are reactions to your current circumstances. They aren’t a permanent state; they’re feelings that come and go. That’s true of all emotions, but positive emotions tend to be more fleeting.
They are also what I would call “wantable” states. Not only do they feel good, but we want to feel them. Some people might say it feels good to be angry, and anger can sometimes be useful or productive, but people don’t want to feel angry. Positive emotions have a kind of alluring glitter dust on them. You want to re-arrange your day to get more of those sparkling moments.
3. Be Adventurous.
Recall your favorite school memories. 100 bucks says they are not those times you studied tirelessly but the crazy experiences and the exhilarating moments. Those crazy moments are what gives you the sense that you are truly living. An 11-year-old boy once rushed into traffic torescue a dog that was hit by a car. The dog lived. I’m sure some might see that as insane, right? But i’m sure anytime the boy sees the dog or any dog at all and recalls the rescue moment, he’s gonna feel ano unexplainable joy aint it? Now, im not saying you should become carefree but dont get hungup on always plying the straight and narrow way.
4. Do What You Love Doing.
Like i wrote in my first blog on here How To Know You Are On The Right Path. There is a great level of joy inherent in doing what you have passion for. Regardless of criticisms, pursue your dreams. Against all odds. Do your best to make sure you are doing that thing you love and trust me this joy is everlasting. You get to live with no regrets whatsoever.
5. Be Wary Of The Choices You Make.
According to me, happiness comes from everyday life choices. This can be dangerous especially when you are blessed with an array of choices to pick from. “Intuitively, having so many choices should make you happier, but it can actually make you feel worse” says Barry Schwartz. PhD. author of The Paradox Of Choices. Decide wisely at every point in time. Never go for something that will give you a momentary happiness but the lasting one…
From me, Dont worry, Be happy and put a smile on that face. It drives your foes crazy. Happy reading and Merry Christmas in advance!!!
This past week i had enough time to reflect on my personal life and be on high alert to notice the things that are still happening all around me and i’ll share them with you because quite frankly, as at the time of the last post i had some “tips on a quick turnaround” already.
When I was starting over in my life I knew that i had a very short time to put it all together or watch my whole dreams and goals crumble right before my eyes. I didn’t have the money to go to a high-profile school, i didn’t have the background or the support to land a mouth-watering job. This was a time when there was no morale to study hard anymore. My grades were down in school and i could hardly focus on LIFE itself anymore. Then it struck me. I had to do something, it had to be an immediate and lasting solution.
So i focused on what i could do. I set goals for myself and a time limit (which i took very seriously), then i started crossing them out. I have worked for charity i mean without any earnings just to gain experience and today that might just be my saving grace because i can tell you categorically today that even if i’m not yet where i need to be, i am most definitely not where i used to be.
Whether you are an executive who is “stuck,” your company needs
better productivity, or you are in a life transition, then you are in dire need of the following tips which i have come to conclussion that you can’t do without.
1. Learn how to clarify direction: Be 100% sure of where you are headed. Dont second-guess, it is either what you want for yourself or not.
2. Learn how to create strategy: Devise a plan on how to execute your set goals. It is as vital as setting the goals in the first place.
3. Upgrade skills: There is only one constant thing in this world, it is CHANGE. Diversify, do things differently if your old methods seem not to work anymore.
4. Optimize your environment: Make the best use of your environment. Look deeper. Look around you, the ones that are making it are doing it right here in front of your nose. Your land is blessed, you only need to see it.
5. Wipe out fear and doubt: If you have the courage to pursue your goals and you can blot out every negativity. I promise, the sky is your starting point.
Make it fun, get more done!
The truth is, we all have the potential to do something extremely amazing. We all have that intense deep wish to wake up motivated and go to bed feeling fulfilled. But some certain twists and turns in life have either made these wishes long forgotten, or almost impossible to bring to pass. Well, here is a wake-up call.
If you’ve ever asked yourself “Im i on the right path?” , well thats a good start. The questions that follow this brilliant eye opener and your swiftness in finding the answers to them, are very vital in helping you Locate Your North Star.
This post is especially important for those that want to pursue a career or are currently working. Evaluate yourself thus:
1. I get excited every morning when i get out of bed.
2. I feel accomplished when i go to bed.
3. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude.
4. I’m having fun.
5. I do things i like.
6. I feel on top of my game.
7. People seem to enjoy being around me.
8. I fully utilize my imaginations.
9. I feel deeply loved by my colleagues and even/most especially my family .
10. Younger ones look up to me.
Answer these questions sincerely. Now do you have a feeling of achievement or you feel out of place? Well, you are in luck. Stay tuned for my next episode next week as i’ll be giving you tips on a quick turnaround. God bless!
Mr A: Mayowa, you are very lazy I must say.
Me: *keeps quiet*
Mr A: And your pride? It’s second to none. The way you are going, I doubt you’ll ever be patient enough to legitimately build up a career.
Me: *now confused* But I still kept mum, trying to avoid a conversation that was obviously destined to end up an abstruse argument.
These were the words of someone I held (still hold) in very high esteem… Left me wondering. I’m lazy? A good number of my products from my teaching days will jump at the opportunity to oppose that view. I’m proud? See, it’s not like I’m not open to people’s observations of me, it’s just that your say is limited.
Pride, you see is a league away from self respect. For example, I wouldn’t go for a “dirty job” even to kill time. I’m sorry that’s not who I am. In fact, I’d rather stay jobless. Pettiness and low self-esteem are the only things that’ll drive a man that hasn’t been confirmed ‘brainless’ by a medical professional, and isn’t in anyway handicapped to do some stuffs. Before I totally digress, let’s get back to the topic.
You see its really common seeing people people having this silly combo of good points and bad delivery. You notice they mean well, they want to keep you focused and notched up but they end up criticizing and at times totally condemning you. Please, how exactly does this accentuate your point? How does telling someone he/she is a stupid person do more correction than pointing out their stupid act and making them see reasons why they shouldn’t repeat such. I know for certain, that people that are successful in training the most cultured children are not the ones that scold them or threaten them but the ones that diligently reiterate their intended words of advice with some sort of tenderness and love, gently guiding them and helping them solve their errors. In fact the former, whether by ill luck or error, end up nudging their wards towards the very things they try to keep them away from.
My advice today is, never conclude about someone. If you are convinced you can help them out, then do so politely. Sorry for the long absence.
And as for Mr A, WATCH ME!
Earlier today in a daring and pinpoint operation, the Nigerian troops
have stormed the Sambisa Forest and rescued about
300 women and girls.
It was gathered that at least, three major terrorists
camps have been destroyed in the well-coordinated
attacks that included the destruction of the notorious
Tokumbere camp in the Sambisa Forest.
While confirming the operation, the Director Defence
Information, Major General Chris Olukolade said he
could not confirm the identity of the freed victims and
their origins and he could not state if any of them was
from Chibok until after thorough screening and proper
He said: “I can only confirm the rescued this afternoon
of 200 girls and 93 women in different camps in the
“We are yet to determine their origin as all the freed
persons are now being screened and profiled. Please
don’t misquote me on their origin. We will provide
more details later.”
The holidays offer us the greatest opportunity to either relish in goodness and hope or to deplete ourselves in envy and disappointment. Typically in Nigeria, you really don’t want to be left out of the groove. It’s a season when after a long, testing year, you can finally heave a sigh of relief and chill. Now ‘chilling’ you must know, means buying new clothes, new shoes, stocking up the store and fridge with different eatables and all sorts of drinks, and then tying down 2-6 beautiful fowls *winks*. Well, now let’s skip that part about our owanbe-(adv. an informal word used to describe the party sense of Nigerian people, most especially the yorubas) tradition. The thing is this , do we indulge in the drama of the season or do we settle our eyes on something brighter and better for our well-being?. I used to get sucked up into the whole gingle bell thingy that I never for once asked myself ‘what next after the festive season?’ . This year, I’m
redirecting all that hope, that amazing enthusiasm and energy in something that will work for me even after December, but long into 2015 and beyond. Such that everyday can be like an holiday.
Similarly you may be grappling with your inner holiday demons. Maybe it’s all those difficult to
resist temptations? Or instead of Christmas trees maybe the only green you’re seeing is the money
you’ve spent or going to spend, or the envy you feel for those who seem to be fairing better than you.
The greatest gift you can give others, however, is giving to yourself. I’m not talking material things, though those can be rewarding at times. I’m talking
about the gift of forgiveness, presence, self-compassion, self-growth and love. Trust me you will always enjoy a great deal… ALWAYS! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance. I hope it’s not too early?
Truly Inspiring Real Life Incident…
Shila Ghosh : a lady 85 years old who lives at pali in West Bengal. Every evening she comes from Pali to kolkata to sell the fries.The pedestrians out of respect buy the fries from her. After lung cancer took away her only son from her 5 years back,to make ends meet she
works. Her nephew aged 30 works as a mover on meagre wages in pali.
When asked if she has a problem
in travelling,she weakly smiled and
said “No,the bus gets me here and my health is not that bad”.
She earns 400 rupees per day but still it is less for her family of
four. Circumstances could have easily forced her to beg but her dignity and respect is everything for her,she would work till the end of her life rather than beg on the streets.
When we go on complaining, let us remember
her….. she has chosen to solve
her problems on her own for as they say God helps them those who help themselves.
May god give her all the strength…
She truly is an inspiration for all of us ….
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Over the last few years, several of my friends have thought of me as ‘strong’. This word always comes up over meals, wine in restaurants and in bars. These meetings, either to catch up, check in, or just normal social calls, have more often than not involved them asking how I was doing, and me, trying to stay as positive about life as possible, trying to smile as much as I would love those tears to roll down. Inevitably, the word ‘strong’ crops up. But I don’t believe it. It really doesn’t sound like me.
Why strong, exactly? Because I lost my dad at a relatively young age? Because I weathered an incredibly hard period of time in the University when my legitimacy as a student was under serious scrutiny? Because during that same time I had to go through another excruciatingly painful experience of losing an. immediate elder sister? Because through it all, I’ve kept going?
But really, what choice did I have? Life is a complete mystery, full of surprises and unfolding events over which I have no control, over which none of us has control. I suppose the realization of just how little the control I have should make me feel a certain amount of freedom, right? After all, since I can do nothing about it, what’s the point of worrying about the outcome, or feeling afraid? Somehow, I’ve discovered that the certainty that nothing is certain has amped up my inner strength, and I’m like a little kid all over again.
A little kid who is afraid of nothing. Call it blissful ignorance about the fragility of human life, or lack of awareness of mortality. Call it the magic of childhood wonder. Call it all those things. But whatever you call it, it is the best thing that can happen to you.
I used to be hyper aware about everything and it pissed me off at a point. That was about the time i realized how irrational and pointless it is to be afraid.
There is a famous Jack Canfield’s quote that I particularly read to myself for months. It says ‘Everything you want is on the other side of fear’.
I am not strong. I am fragile. I am easily disoriented and highly emotional. In fact I am scared to the bone marrow most times. But I am also angry and so I embarked on the journey to cross to the other side. Now I’m living life with no fear of what tomorrow holds. I’m staying ahead. No worries. No regrets. I hope you find the way too… Peace out
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